I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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