So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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