Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize