awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
what day is it and did you see me today?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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