So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
false alarm, still single
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