he puts the penis in happiness.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
