So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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