i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
