I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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