My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
