Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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