he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
