I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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