ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
