i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize