im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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