Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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