Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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