My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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