Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
