Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
