The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
