you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
