I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
