youre lurking in front of me
another moral hangover. fuck.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
