apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
