i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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