Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
