Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize