I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
