So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
