stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
