It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
