My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
