The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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