3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
