I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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