We won't sleep together?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
