You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
