you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
