the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
