I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
