Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
