I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
