Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
