Kiss
Puke
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
