Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well you can't waste a boner
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
