11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
