I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The Olympian is in my bed
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