she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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