Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
