omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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