He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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