found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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