I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
