you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
