I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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