I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
