After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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