Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
