come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
