i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
