Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
