Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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