Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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