Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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