and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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