His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize