to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
